an open letter to the nine percent of the country that make up the undecided voters...

dear undecided voter,

are you fucking retarded?

sincerely,
griff

this morning if found my underwear drawer nearly barren, only one pair remained. the last of the skivvies lay waiting. vertical blue and white stripes adorn cloth forming a small pouch and a skimpy backside, joined by only an elastic waist band. a pair my wife gave me 20 or so pounds ago.

my options (other than doing laundry)
- go shopping for new, but what would i wear to the store?
- microwave a dirty pair (much faster than using the washing machine).
- adopt a free range testicle policy for the day.
- wear the stupid thing.

i am now wearing the stupid thing, constantly repositioning and adjusting the boys while simultaneously fishing the ultramicroscopic cloth backside out from my expansive and deep crevasse.

no doubt, today will be the day i slip on a busy side walk and paramedics are forced to cut my pants off as i lie in the street. thousands will gather, including the film crew of fox's world's most dangerous underpants, my fruity little panties will be revealed to all.

son 2 started kindergarten in august. son 2 is very shy. a week ago we received a report from the teacher, she was concerned that he was not verbally participating in class exercises. i talked with son 2 and encouraged him to be more involved and raise his hand more often.

today, the teacher was discussing shapes and what you might do with shapes. one student suggested "put a triangle on your head like a hat". another announced "put a square in your hand". son 2 recognized this as his opportunity to raise his hand for the first time. eager to get him involved, she called on him.

"put a circle in your butt!" he said excitedly.

all the students laughed. son 2 laughed the hardest. the teacher tried not to laugh.

overjoyed he actually said something, she decided not to scold him.

i now fear the positive reinforcement of laughter will result in similar answers being used for future questions, "class, what is 2 plus 2?"

hey lady, put a rhombus in your rear.

since this is a blog, it is mandatory that i feed the rumor mill surrounding bush's bulge.

what the hell is wrong with all you conspiracy 'tards out there?! i am telling you, it is not an electronic communications device.

if you knew anything about droids, you would know the bulge is the electrotezgar fuel interface standard on all republocorp politibot 4000 model droids. i shouldn't have to tell you the electronic communications receiver is actually located way up in the buttocks region (next to the central processing unit).

oh, c'mon, don't tell me you thought he was human all this time.

just did a presentation for a potential client. upon finishing, someone showed me a photo of dubya presenting in the same room behind the same podium i had just stood behind.

i guess that explains the chewing gum affixed to the underside of the podium.

ok, I lied about that last part.

there was no chewing gum. it was boogers. lots of them. hanging like stalactites.

makes me wonder if i could have collected and ebayed the little boogers. what would someone pay for such a thing?