my son's elementary school employs about 12 fifth graders wearing bright orange to direct traffic through the drop off zone, open and close car doors and direct the younger students.

one of the orange kids directed me to pull forward, and stop. he then opened the door, helping to unload sons one and two. upon completing his duties, he told me to have a good day. he then peered around the interior of the car for an extended moment. his head sort of swayed in a stevie wonder / ray charles sort of way. his eyes didn't focus on anything in particular and seemed distant. he then closed the door and we pulled away from the curb.

the wife - "was he blind?"

mr. sarcasm (me) - "yes honey, the school is now using blind children to direct traffic and aid the sighted students across busy streets and in and out of cars"

rock on, stevie.

as previously reported, mowing the lawn can be an enlightening experience of deep contemplation. saturday i pushed the mower, head down, keeping the line and watching for small toys or critters hiding in the grass. i lifted my head just in time to see a giant hawk effortlessly riding a slight breeze, heading towards me. only 20 feet above the ground, his 5 foot wingspan seemed to fill the entire sky. each intricate feather making up his wings was clearly visible. just above my head, he rode a thermal and circled up to 40 feet.

i released the mower, the motor kill switch activated, and i stood in perfect silence staring up at the magnificent bird. it was as if he was putting on a show just for me. the drifting silhouette contrasted against the bright blue sky was more than dramatic. as i watched, a second hawk found the same thermal and circled well above the first.

an incredible feeling of synchronicity smothered me. interaction of myself, earth, sky, the hawks and all around us was aligned and perfect. i had momentarily jacked into the cosmic rhythm that binds the most elementary particles of the vibrating strings to the most grand and elegant universe. it is an amazing feeling, all is revealed, yet nothing is answered.

later that day i begin to tell my wife of this incredibly personal moment of enlightenment. when i tell her the hawks were circling directly above my head, she furrows her brow and slightly squints at me. i pause waiting for her to say something deep...

"maybe they thought your head was a really big fuckin' egg."

she's probably right.

so, did i tell you i have a new baby. oh, i did. well that is about all the news from the ultramicroscopic camp.

few events can generate small talk like having a baby. as previously noted, i hate small talk (clarification, watching others engage in painful awkward small talk is entertaining and i do enjoy that immensely).

there really isn't that much to talk about, babies are babies, but everyone feels they must talk baby with me. below is the transcript documenting my last 58 identical conversations.

person - hey, heard you have a new baby?
me - yup.
person - boy or girl.
me - boy.
person - great, what is his name?
me - casey.
person - how much does he weigh, and how long is he?
me - 9lb, 2oz, 20.5 inches.
person - wow.

then we stare at each other for a good long while. person has collected all the meta data available and there is nothing more to discuss. a baby has yet to develop any personality or physical traits to talk about at length.

in a weird way, i kind of wish son three was born with a prehensile tail or something to generate more conversation.

person - hey, heard you have a new baby.
me - i guess you could call it that.
person - boy or girl.
me - actually a hermaphrodite with a prehensile tail, gills and deep interest in the history of dirigible aircraft.
person - where do you get diapers to accommodate the tail?
me - freaks-r-us baby store next to the wall-mart.
person - are the gills functioning or simply aesthetic?
me - fully functioning, rated for depths up to 6 fathoms.
person - wow, tell me more!

and the conversation could carry it's self for hours.