this little guy actually escaped the sketchbook and made it into photoshop. very few are able to reach escape velocity and break into the dimension of color. kinda fun to play with color.

i find it amazing how many bloggers listen to modest mouse. actually, what i am trying to say is that i am amazed how many blogs are remarkably undistinguishable from each other. why is that? i posed the question to an old friend, Tyler Durden. Tyler has all the answers. No, really, he does, i'm serious.

Tyler sneered at the stupidity of my question, he replied,

You're not your url.
You're not how many comments you have.
You're not the the blogroll to the right.
You're not the contents of a meme.
You're not your fucking itunes playlist.
You're the all-singing, all-dancing crap of the world.

So, here is the challenge to you bloggers. post something.

post not what you had for lunch (it was a cheese sandwich, just like mine).
post not the results of a "which of the seven dwarves" you are (we all know it was dopey).
post not an empty political rant (we all know which candidate is an ass hat).
post not a link to another's content, create your own content (we have all seen JibJab).

the ultimate irony would be if this challenge prompted you to take action. and if your action resulted in 10 others taking action, and 10 more. at what point does this become a fucking meme? link it and find out.

i miss cycling. at one time it consumed 2-3 hours each day. when i wasn't cycling, i was working in a bicycle shop. time was measured by daily, monthly and yearly cycling events.

that was a long time ago. the road bike now hangs upside down from the garage ceiling. the tires are cracked and brittle. that's what happens when you don't ride for 10 or so years.

i now think about cycling every day. when i see a rider outside my car window, a wave of excitement passes through me. i recall the clakety sound as my derailier moves and the chain catches the 52 tooth chain ring. i wonder if it is it possible to love a machine?

the wave of excitement is quickly replaced with bitterness. frustration with myself that i have let a part of myself drift so far away. life happens, things change, priorities change.

so, is this what getting older is all about? a brain spilling with memories of beloved places, things, people, and emotions. the memories allow you to re-live moments, but also lament things lost.

only 6 weeks from dropping the baby load, the wife is well into nesting mode. a honey-do list exists in a constant state of flux, she is continuously adding and prioritizing tasks. i say prioritizing, but what it really means is everything needs to be done now.

my vulcan mind is logical. too logical for her tastes. my advanced math skills deduced the 18 months required to complete the honey-do list is greater than the 6 weeks remaining. so, a task analysis was required to determine which tasks are considered mission critical.

previous experience with tiny humans aided me in determining the criteria for identifying mission critical tasks. mission critical criteria hinges on the primary activities of sleeping, eating and making poo, lots and lots of poo.

amazingly, applying the criteria to the honey-do list, only a few tasks remain. in fact, the list is significantly shorter, leaving bonus time for gentlemen's clubs, opium dens and playing the ponies.

the remaining tasks? to address the sleeping issue i moved some socks around in my drawer into a comfy little nest shape. about the eating issue, i have cut two holes in all of the wife's shirts to provide the little critter always on, twentyfour seven access to the feed bags. for the poo situation, i placed a turd silo (diaper genie) in every room.

there are a few tasks i have logically put off for the time being.

hanging wood cut letters that spell his name on the wall. in depth task analysis revealed cognitive reading skills develop around 4 years (or never if shielded properly). no hurry there.

hanging a butterfly mobile from the ceiling. i am certain homosexuality is not a conscious choice or even an influenced behavior, but why take a chance?

fixing the magnetic latch on the right side door of the changing table to equal the magnetic strength of the left side door latch. task analysis reveals that changing the magnetic forces of the earth to accomplish this might goof up some other fairly important things. besides it works fine, just not the way she would like it to work.

i am not sure why she is so emotional about the honey-do list. perhaps she fears the infant will come home from the hospital, not see his name in wood cut letters hanging above the crib and stomp off in a huff, never to return.

as i rounded the corner, there were many oddities demanding my attention.

a construction zone, a car parked in the right lane, a woman standing in the street, an abandon car 15 feet off the road, and finally a woman's legs protruding from the driver side window of the abandon car.

the wife looked up from her magazine just in time to scream "look out", but it was too late. an oversized rubber traffic cone folded under my grill. it made horrific noises as it traveled under the van and was spit out the rear. i never even had the chance to hit the brakes.

as i continued driving, i began explaining to wife about all the distractions contributing to the now mangled traffic cone behind us.

"there was a woman sticking out of a car and another standing in the street..."

i stopped my explanation short realizing it didn't matter and i was a little too weirded out to talk anyway. for the next mile or so, the car was consumed by silence. from the back of the mini van, son one finally broke the silence.

"dad, did you kill her?"

my wife laughed till she cried. i guess she thinks it's funny our kids believe dad would run a woman over without slowing and continue on as if nothing happened.

on the upside, if i do ever mow down a pedestrian with the kids in the car, i now have a free pass. i will tell them it was a giant traffic cone.

king kone is very proud of it's 6, no wait 8 flavors. screw baskin robbins.

unlike previous get rich quick plans, this one is a sure thing.

imagine your shower, free from the clutter of plastic bottles and gooey soap bars. i know, sounds too good to be true. well, i can make it happen, i have a dream.

ultramicroscopic industries has redesigned the standard shower head and control to not only dispense water, but shampoo, conditioner, shaving cream and chunky style gravy. ultramicroscopic has engaged with utility companies around the world to leverage the existing water grid and deliver an always on, unlimited, in home solution. multiple monthly subscription plans will be offered similar to cable television. base subscriptions will include pert shampoo, gold subscriptions will offer neutrogena and heinz fat free roasted turkey gravy.

i have been traveling with work quite a bit of late and have accumulated many, many of those free 1 oz hotel bottles. all combined, they should get me through the first year. watered down properly, maybe two years.

oh, the gravy? that's just a little fantasy i have and i figure i can't be the only one.