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only 6 weeks from dropping the baby load, the wife is well into nesting mode. a honey-do list exists in a constant state of flux, she is continuously adding and prioritizing tasks. i say prioritizing, but what it really means is everything needs to be done now.
my vulcan mind is logical. too logical for her tastes. my advanced math skills deduced the 18 months required to complete the honey-do list is greater than the 6 weeks remaining. so, a task analysis was required to determine which tasks are considered mission critical.
previous experience with tiny humans aided me in determining the criteria for identifying mission critical tasks. mission critical criteria hinges on the primary activities of sleeping, eating and making poo, lots and lots of poo.
amazingly, applying the criteria to the honey-do list, only a few tasks remain. in fact, the list is significantly shorter, leaving bonus time for gentlemen's clubs, opium dens and playing the ponies.
the remaining tasks? to address the sleeping issue i moved some socks around in my drawer into a comfy little nest shape. about the eating issue, i have cut two holes in all of the wife's shirts to provide the little critter always on, twentyfour seven access to the feed bags. for the poo situation, i placed a turd silo (diaper genie) in every room.
there are a few tasks i have logically put off for the time being.
hanging wood cut letters that spell his name on the wall. in depth task analysis revealed cognitive reading skills develop around 4 years (or never if shielded properly). no hurry there.
hanging a butterfly mobile from the ceiling. i am certain homosexuality is not a conscious choice or even an influenced behavior, but why take a chance?
fixing the magnetic latch on the right side door of the changing table to equal the magnetic strength of the left side door latch. task analysis reveals that changing the magnetic forces of the earth to accomplish this might goof up some other fairly important things. besides it works fine, just not the way she would like it to work.
i am not sure why she is so emotional about the honey-do list. perhaps she fears the infant will come home from the hospital, not see his name in wood cut letters hanging above the crib and stomp off in a huff, never to return.
Posted by griff at July 27, 2004 01:15 PM