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remember the tinkle machine? above is the wife's latest acquisition, a digital tinkle machine. far superior to the analog tinkle machine, it generates SIX different bladder inducing sounds.
1. Spring Rain (otherwise known as despair springs eternal.)
2. Woodlands (also called angry squirrel orgy)
3. Summer Nights (or night of the locust)
4. Ocean Waves (or trucks on the highway, as i call it.)
5. White Noise (also known as AM radio static.)
6. Mountain Stream (other wise known as the big tinkle.)
at the paltry price point of 30 bucks, it hardly seems one could pack much more value into the plastic clam. Au contrair, mon frere! the digital tinkle machine also broadcasts in surround-a-smell. yep, as rob tyner once screamed, "kick out the stink mother #$%@ers" or something to that effect. the marketing propaganda describes the odors as:
1. Relaxation, composed of soothing lavender, chamomile and sage (smells like a blue haired grandmother)
2. Invigoration, composed of purifying eucalyptus, peppermint and lemongrass (koala bears go crazy for this one!)
3. Rejuvenation, composed of refreshing seaweed, orange and lemongrass (mmmmm, seaweed.)
4. Inhalation, composed of stimulating rosemary, lemongrass and jasmine (a pleasent mix rosemary clooney's ashes and sweat collected from the under arms of jasmine guy. i think.)
although it only comes with those four "aroma beads", i have been concocting a few of my own beads (spring morning breath, sweet scrotum sweat, and acrid cheese breeze).
the wife claims she bought the machine to drown out the sound of my nightly snoring. unfortunately, she informed me that she now knows what it sounds like when sleeping next to me on the beach (or highway for that matter). If the intent of the audio was to drown out the snoring, i must assume the intent of the aroma is to drown out any nocturnal gas emissions.
Posted by griff at April 21, 2004 02:31 AM