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i am fairly decent at useless trivia but completely inept at operating a phone. i can put in order from shortest to longest the following four units of measure; a fathom, an em, a hand, and a smoot. i can not successfully dial a phone in less than 4 attempts.
oddly, the combination of the two quirks has landed me in the wife's dog house.
each of the past five nights i have attempted to make the cut for who wants to be a super millionare by correctly answering five questions in a pre-recorded phone game. i never made it past the third question. not because i didn't know the correct answers, but because i am really bad a pushing buttons.
to successfully dial a phone, i need to look at a phone number as 7 single digit numbers rather than a single 7 digit number. on top of that, i must coordinate my behemoth index finger to correctly depress the tiny numbered push buttons. not. gonna. happen.
the wife is superbly talented at pushing buttons. i once asked her what her dream job would be. she said typing. she claims the satisfaction of swiftly and effortlessly stroking a keyboard puts her in the proverbial zone. un-teathered by the conscious mind, fingers traveling at 120 words a minutes, nirvana is achieved. alas, she sucks at trivia and couldn't give a rat's ass whether the fire ant stings or bites.
she has little understanding or tolerance for those unable to press buttons like myself. she has scolded at me all week for my failed attempts. isn't this sort of like yelling at some one for not winning the lottery?
as if the wife was not angry enough, last night a woman from our little town made it on the show. she didn't know moth larvae make mexican jumping beans jump. i knew it, but was sitting at home working the ass grove on my couch. the wife claims that should have been me sitting next to regis.
whatever.
so, to get escape the dog house, i figure i need to stop on the way home and pick up 10 million dollars.
oh and if you guessed em, hand smoot and fathom in that order, you may think your right but it is a trick question. an em is a unit of relative measure (twice as big as an en) based on point size. so if you had text over 6 feet tall, it might even surpass the length of a fathom.
oh and the fire ant does both, it bites to get a firm grip, then stings. the venom is in the stinger.
Posted by griff at February 27, 2004 09:39 AM