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my initials were scrawled in thick black sharpie ink down the side of a mystery cardboard box placed under my desk. i broke tape and pulled the flaps aside to reveal a black leather travel bag. a gift from the company, recognition for 10 years of service.
the envelop contained a generic congratulatory card, adorned with the standard stock photograph of shaking hands. the inside was blank where a personalized note and signature might appear.
the box also contained an envelop marked "presentation tips". in the envelope was a palm sized card (accidently left in the box) intended for the presenter. the card (shown above) is a cheat sheet to aid the presenter's memory of the very special honoree's name and maybe the name of the company they work for.
i found tips 1 and 2 a bit ironic...
1. Plan ahead - set a specific time for the presentation. Know why the recipient is being honored.OR just scrawl the recipients initials on the cardboard box and shove it under his desk.
2. Invite the recipient's coworkers - ask one or two of them to be prepared to say a few words.OR let them discover it alone and celebrate in an ocean of friendless self pity.
ok, all that being said, i am grateful for management opting to shove it under my desk. an approach much preferred to the corporate modus operandi of gathering 20 or so intenesly disliked co-workers into a small conference room. commonly referred to as the 13 minutes of hell.
at 2:55pm the honoree pretends not to notice 20 people cramming into a conference room like circus clowns in a volks wagon beetle. one of the corporate cheerleader types is sent out to request your immediate presence in a "very important impromptu meeting". if the cheerleader is exceedingly clever they will drop the name of a current project when informing the honoree of the meeting.
upon entering the conference room, the honoree pretends to be surprised and amazed to find all of the people that were outside the conference room are now inside the conference room. shitty over frosted cake is served with the same plastic utensils used at last weeks baby shower for the office slut. no one passes on the cake, but everyone asks for "oh, ... just a little piece".
all pretend to care and make pathetic jokes about what a glutton for punishment the honoree must be for surviving 10 years. the event is scheduled to last 15 minutes but all are long gone by the 13 minute mark. everyone except the fat bastard who asks if the can take the remainder of the cake home to his 12 children.
Posted by griff at January 15, 2004 12:15 AM