 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
||||||
 |
 |
 |
 |
|
||
 |
 |
 |
|
|||
 |
|
|||||
here at ultramicroscopic we've received much mail from those seeking a cure for fecal impaction.
ok, maybe not that much mail, but i do expect it to pick up.
ok, not really, i just felt like writing about poop again.
as a public service to you the reader, i would like to share a few tips to keep you regular and happy. on occasion, mother nature needs a little help shaking one loose. here are a few sure fire activities to pinch a loaf.
1. drink black coffee. caffeine makes my sphincter dance.
2. buy the sunday paper. i'm not sure if there is a scientific connection here, it might just be pavlovian. the sunday edition is best, but it may work on any day.
3. wander a book store or music store. barnes and noble is one of the best, spacious stalls and fairly easy to sneak in a new book for added entertainment. be sure to bring a book mark, so you can finish that same book next time.
4. take a ride in your friend's expensive, new fangled car with a seat warmer. the only problem with this, is when things start moving, there may not be a quick and easy bathroom near.
5. look at the sun. i know that's activity is for inducing a sneeze, but seven or eight consecutive sneezes should also help you unpack.
under no circumstances should you ever mix and match the actions above, results could become wildly unpredictable.
Posted by griff at January 12, 2004 10:27 AM