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dear mr. armstrong,
i was recently in austin, and had my bicycle stolen. but i am quite sure you already know that.
it doesn't take john holmes and mr. watson to figure out you stole my bicycle. you ask what evidence i have?
1. it was stolen in austin, you live in austin.
2. you like bikes, i used to own a bike.
3. you see me as an up and coming competitive threat in the 2008 tour de france
4. my bike was the fastest in the whole world, you would want that.
5. my bike was red, i bet red is your favorite color.
6. i set the combination number to the last 4 digits of your social security number, only you would know that.
7. i heard you had cancer, some times cancer causes stealing.
8. i recently saw you in a television commercial and you have shifty eyes.
9. there was dna evidence at the scene, you have dna.
10. um, some other stuff too.
i rest my case.
so, just return it to the rack outside the convention center and i will stop knocking over your garbage can. please don't use one of those cheap cable locks, use one of those big u locks. i don't want willie nelson stealing it before i can get back down there.
if you decide not to return it, you should be very careful of where you leave your bike parked during the tour de france. i've got people all over the place.
thanks,
griff
ps. that bicycle seat has touched me in the most intimate of my manly regions, are you sure you want to keep it?
Posted by griff at March 14, 2003 08:39 AM