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i immediately realized i had dialed the wrong number, i hung up only half way into the first ring. i redialed the correct number. an answering machine picked up and an angry female voice shouted in broken english with a thick chinese accent.
"herrow!?!? what you want?!?! joe not here now. i cook his rice and do his laundry. you leave message now, maybe he get it. joe no like me answer phone, you leave message now!"
beep.
"uh, um,... yeah, this is griff, i just wanted to call and tell you that uh, we enjoyed talking with you and would like to offer you a position. call me to arrange another meeting. um, i hope this is the right number, if not, please disregard this message. thanks."
i was confused, it seemed like an odd outgoing message for one in a job search. i checked the dailed number against the resume's and found it to be correct. i probably should have been offended by the racial slurs and stereotyping of the out going message, but as a caucasion middle aged male (don't tell anyone, but we have it made in this world), it is hard to get to worked up about stuff like that.
ring, ring.
still confused, i answered my phone forgeting usual formal greetings of my company name and an introduction. i assumed it was the applicant returning my call, perhaps he was unable to pick up when i left the message.
"hello?"
this time, an angry male voice shouted in broken english with a thick chinese accent. "what you want?! why you call me?! i don't know why you torment me! i call cops, then you be sorry!"
i assumed it was the applicant, continuing the answering machine joke. i thought it sort of ballsy, since we barely knew each other and he was trying so hard to make a good impression in the interviews. "uh, yeah, well, when can you come in?"
"fuck you! you bad man. i call cops."
at this point i realized i was not speaking to the applicant, i was speaking to a real person who was really chinese and really angry.
"um, sorry, i have to go now." and i hung up the phone.
i sat starring at my phone for a very long time. my brain hurt. what the hell just happened?
ring, ring.
again i forgot the corporate answer and just said "hello?"
"hello! thanks for calling back so soon, i am very excited about the opportunity, when can i come in?"
"you come soon, we talkie" i replied in a terrible fake chinese accent. we both chuckled briefly. very briefly.
for a week my brain recounted the events and conversations trying to figure out what had happened. to the best i can figure, my first mis-dial was to the real angry chinese man. he must have picked up as i was hanging up and assumed i was a prank call. then he was so angry he star 69ed me so that he could vent his anger.