won't be fooled again

6 to 8 weeks for delivery warned the advertisement. i started checking the mailbox the day after i sent the money order. eight weeks later an envelope from johnson smith company arrived. surely this was not shipment of the product. a simple envelope would not provide the proper protection for the space age technology, precision calibrated, x-ray specs i had ordered.

immediate disappointment of the highest order upon opening the envelope. tiny rivets barely held the cheap black plastic frames together. the lenses were cardboard with a hole in the center of each no larger than a pencil point. some type of red material covered the holes.

worse yet, each cardboard lenses had a red and white hypnotic swirl and the words "x-ray specs" printed on the outwardly facing side. what's the point of having x-ray specs if everyone knows you are wearing them? that simple design flaw instantly destroyed my plan see what mrs. brown (my 3rd grade teacher) looked like under her frumpy dress. once she saw the specs she would confiscate them. they would have a new home in her lower left hand desk drawer with all the other 3rd grade contraband (squirt guns, pea shooters, playing cards, and comic books).

oh well, so many other things to view; my cats skeleton, my sister's secret activities through the bedroom wall, and what the neighbor kept in his mysterious tool shed.

in the privacy of my bedroom i tried the specs on for the first time. every thing was blurry and red. the first test was my hand. i held it up to the light, sure enough i could see the bones in my hand, or at least a denser red where my bones should be. i then held up a pencil. the pencil had a bone also. the cat had one single bone, a large cat bone from head to toe. turns out, everything has a bone. socks, pillows, rope, etc.

a week or so later, i decided to give the johnson smith company another chance. i was sure the sea monkeys would make perfect pets.

Posted by griff at September 24, 2002 03:31 AM