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one day i will cease to exist. i am not sure which day that will be, but i have been thinking about the cause of death. i have identified a few below and included the current odds provided by my vegas bookie.
1. struck in head by grapefruit size hail and/or swept up by a tornado. of all the options, spinning around a tornado vortex with cows, chickens and trailer homes would be the coolest! odds 500 to 1. highly unlikely since said big weather is rare in itself, but if there is even a 10% chance of this weather, there is a 100% chance i will be standing in the yard watching it.
2. a gruesome and violent mishap with my ryobi weed wacker (which I commonly refer to as the "angry bitch"). the angry bitch is easily the most powerful and violent machine i have ever operated. odds 30 - 1. more likely to grotesquely disfigure myself, death would be a pretty good trick.
3. starring up through the moon roof of my car while driving. stupid yes, but it's so dang fun. odds 20 - 1. more likely on a clear and starry night.
4. stepping on a lego (or happy meal toy) and doing a face plant into the night stand. odds 10 - 1. a distinct possibility that increases with the birth of each additional offspring.
5. severe brain damage inflicted by a post shower q-tip ear cleaning session. odds 5 - 1. i know, i know, but it feels so good and usually results in pleasurable eargasms.
6. natural causes. odds 1 billion - 1. just not gonna to happen. less likely to happen than monkeys flying from my butt.
my wife has her money on number 1. i say, never underestimate the addictive relationship between the johnson and johnson q-tip and my ears.